


Magnus has a Nightmare

by WeWalkADifferentPath



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-09 05:02:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11097456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeWalkADifferentPath/pseuds/WeWalkADifferentPath
Summary: Alec wakes up to Magnus having a nightmare. Angsty but fluffy one-shot with a comforting Alec.





	Magnus has a Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little self-indulgent feels-fest before 2b. A little cliche but can you blame me? 
> 
> Feel free to leave comments or hmu at wewalkadifferentpath.tumblr.com :)

Alec woke to someone thrashing next to him. 

He bolted up immediately, senses on high alert. Instinctively, before his mind had even caught up with his movements, he reached for the bedside table where he kept his seraph blade. 

But then his mind caught up. He froze. 

“Mags?” 

Magnus was lying next to him, where he'd been when Alec had fallen asleep last night, but… well, “lying” was a loose term. Magnus was _flailing_ hard, rolling and twisting in the sheets as he fought against the air.

Sparks of magic were flying out around the room, lighting different objects in bursts of fire that sizzled out as quickly as they landed. 

“Stop. Stop! Please. No, no no no.” 

Magnus's voice was desperate, hoarse, like he'd been screaming all night. Alec wondered if maybe he had been. 

“No, ayah, maafkan aku. I'm s-sorry, please!”

Alec's heart caught in his throat. He didn't know much Indonesian, but he knew that word. “Ayah.” 

Papa. 

Alec surged forward instinctively, ready to reach out to his boyfriend, but stopped himself just short of touching him. 

If Magnus was dreaming about what Alec thought he was... 

Maybe touching him would only make it worse. 

They had only been dating for a few months, and Alec didn't know too much about Magnus's past yet. But he did know what had happened with his father. And he had a pretty good idea of what kind of scenes could be playing out in Magnus's imagination- or memory, Alec supposed grimly- right now. 

So what did he do? 

“Shit, _shit_ ” he murmured to himself, trying to quell his rising panic. The magic was coming in harder and faster bursts now. 

Alec watched as the curtains lit, expecting the fire to go out quickly like the rest had. But they stayed burning. _Shit._ Alec gave it his attention long enough to be sure the fire wasn't spreading further; when he saw that it was contained, he turned back to Magnus. 

What _could_ he do? 

Magnus was covered with a slick layer of sweat, despite the fact that it couldn't have been more than 65 degrees in the loft. He looked pale, and his eyes were squeezed shut hard, as if that could block out what he was seeing in his mind's eye. 

“Magnus” Alec started, tentatively. “Mags, wake up. You're having a nightmare.” 

Magnus groaned, voice cracking. “Ayah.” 

“Shhhh, Mags, it's me. Alec. Come back to me.” 

Magnus squirmed, turning on his side toward Alec. “Demon... demon. Dem- I'm sorry. I didn't-”

Alec's heart sank. _Demon._ There was only one person Magnus could be talking about. 

Alec had heard enough. 

Steeling his resolve, he leaned forward, and gently, so gently, nudged at the upper part of Magnus's arm. “Mags. Magnus.”

Magnus flinched, and bolted upright, startling Alec into almost tipping over. “No nononono” 

“Magnus it's okay, it's a nightmare, you're okay!” 

Magnus turned, and Alec felt his stomach clench. Magnus's eyes were open, but glassy and dazed. He seemed to stare through Alec as if not actually seeing him. 

“.. do better. I- try harder. I will. Don't, don't hurt him Ayah-”

Tears were coming out of his boyfriends eyes, now, and Alec was lost. Was Magnus still dreaming? Jace used to have night terrors, when they were kids. Could this be something like that? 

Or was it worse, somehow? 

Alec reached out again, cautiously, and gripped Magnus's shoulder. “Sweetheart it's oka-”

“Don't touch me!” Magnus flinched as magic exploded outward in a violent burst, bright yellow and orange and violet. Before Alec could even react he was blown backward. Hard. 

His back hit the wall and he slid, crashing in a pile of limbs across the room. 

What the-

Alec blinked, dazed. Dimly he registered a sharp pain in his chest. 

And was that smoke? 

His ears were ringing as he pushed off the ground, forcing himself to stand. His injuries could be dealt with later. 

“Magnus, what-”

Alec approached the bed slowly, dodging the crackling remains of purple magic sparking around the room. “Magnus.”

Magnus was perched on the bed, crouched right on the edge as if ready to bolt. His eyes were still a little glassy but more focused now, flashing gold and slit-pupiled in the dim light of the room. 

“A-Alec?”

“Magnus!” Alec rushed forward, relieved. “Are you awake now? Are you- are you okay?” It was a stupid question- _how could Magnus possibly be okay after that?_ \- but it was all he had. 

“Alec no, no- don't. Don't come near me. Please. Please.” 

Alec froze, feet glued to the floor. His heart rate doubled but he forced himself to breath. “Okay, Mags, I won't. I won't. I'll stay right here.” He put his hands out in front of him, palms forward, stopping just before the other edge of the bed. Alec cringed, biting back a curse as the movement pulled at the burn on his chest. 

Magnus seemed to follow Alec's eyes with his own, and his expression crumpled as he noticed Alec's wound for the first time. “Did I…was I- was that me?”

His voice sounded small, so small and Alec couldn't take it. Magnus was typically strong. Smooth. Confident. He had taken care of Alec more than his fair share of times, and had never asked for much in return. 

It's not that Alec didn't want to return the favour; he did, more than anything. But...

But Alec relied on routine. Predictability. He knew his skills, and he knew his responsibilities, and he knew who to be and what to do based on that consistency. 

And he wasn't sure what the script was for this. So he went by instinct. Moving forward slowly, he crawled up onto the bed, still with his hands out, still a few feet away. “It doesn't-”

But Magnus suddenly bolted, jolting up the bed in a frantic scrambling motion. He backed himself up to the wall and recoiled, as if trying to push himself as far away from Alec as possible. 

“No- stay- stay back. God no, please, I don't want- I can't-”

Magnus looked completely panicked, all mussed hair and clenched fists and panting. His eyes were blown wide, and Alec took a moment to register that he still had his cat eyes showing. Alec had seen them before, briefly. But never this directly, and never for this long. 

He shook himself. Now was not the time. 

“I'm okay” he said slowly, trying to make his voice clear and calm. “Look, see? I'm okay. It's just a little burn.” 

Alec knew that wasn't true, strictly speaking. It was definitely a big burn. But it wasn't anything he couldn't fix with a rune once all of this was over. 

Magnus shook his head. “No. It's not. It's not and I hurt you and oh god I'm sorry I'm so sorry-” 

Alec couldn't breathe. Tears were coming now, fast and silent, down Magnus's cheeks. Alec had never seen him cry before. 

He never wanted to again. 

“Oh no, Mags, please don't cry. Please. I'm okay, I swear.” 

Magnus clenched his eyes shut, struggling to control his voice. “I'm sorry. You can- you can just go. I'll be fine on my own.” 

Alec fought down a sense of rising panic. _No._ He'd spent far too long already- in the first part of their relationship- doubting himself, reading into everything Magnus said or did and taking it as evidence of the fact that he didn't deserve this wonderful man. 

But Magnus had chosen him. Magnus didn't do anything he didn't want to do, or spend time with anyone he didn't want to spend time with. 

He had chosen Alec. Asking him to leave didn't mean that he'd changed his mind. _It didn't._

“I don't want to leave.” 

Magnus's eyes shot open. “You- I mean it, Alec. I- thank you for waking me up, but you- you need to go get that healed.” 

Alec frowned. “No, I don't. It can wait. Can I- can I come over there?” 

He could practically hear Magnus's heart-rate jump. Magnus took a shaky breath in and closed his eyes again, balling his fists up in the sheets in front of him like a shield. He seemed to be weighing his options. 

He must have chosen yes, though, because he nodded once, sharply. 

Alec moved carefully, slipping further onto the bed in one smooth motion until he was next to Magnus against the wall. 

Magnus was practically hyperventilating now. He didn't open his eyes as Alec got close. 

“Can I touch you?” 

Tears began to bubble forward again and drip down Magnus's cheeks, and Alec wanted to take the question back. Wanted to take all of this back. 

Wanted to protect Magnus from ever feeling pain again. 

But Magnus nodded, again, more gently this time. 

Alec took one of his hands where it was clenched in the sheets. He felt Magnus twitch, involuntarily, but neither of them pulled back. 

Alec was in over his head. He knew that. But he also knew Magnus. And he wanted- he _needed_ \- to get this part right. 

“Mags... can you look at me? Please?”

Magnus shook his head. But then seemed to change his mind, cutting off the movement partway through to nod reluctantly. 

“You don't have to” he added quickly, noting that Magnus hadn't actually done it yet. 

Alec heard Magnus whisper something that sounded like “yes, I do” and he felt sick. Angry. 

What world allowed a man like this to be hurt so many times that he felt like he had to give up his own agency just to keep people with him? 

But before Alec could say anything else to reassure him further, Magnus's eyes were open. He was staring at where his other hand was still clenched, and Alec both felt, and saw, his hands start shaking. 

He reached out, slowly, and tilted Magnus's chin to face him. Not hard. Not a demand. Just a request. 

Magnus complied, holding his breath. Alec was hit with the full force of Magnus's beautiful, real eyes, staring at him with an innocent desperation that made Alec's heart feel sharp. Magnus was still crying, and the tears caused the gold to shimmer more intensely. 

Dimly, Alec noted that the curtains were still on fire. A soft blue, now, where before it had been crimson. 

But he didn't spare a moment more of his attention on that. Focusing his eyes directly on Magnus's, he let himself exhale. “Sweetheart, are you okay?” 

Magnus choked, letting out a bitter laugh. Alec held tight to his chin as it trembled. “You're asking _me_ that?” 

Alec's brow furrowed. “Yes? Should I not be?” 

“I was having a nightmare” Magnus stated flatly, in lieu of answering. 

“Yes, you were.” 

“I dreamt that my father was using my mother as a punching bag again, on one of his bad nights. Only…”

He drifted off, staring at something behind Alec that only he could see. 

“Halfway through, it wasn't my mother anymore. It was you.” 

Alec felt his breath catch. He- what? 

“Oh” he breathed. Always articulate, of course. His brain was spinning. _What does that mean?_

He must have asked that last question out loud, because Magnus looked solemn. “It means that I love you.” 

_What?_

Magnus- no, he couldn't. They'd never- they hadn't said that to each other, yet. It was too soon, surely it was. 

Even if Alec _had_ been considering that lately. Had been considering it since the day they met, really. 

But something in Alec’s gut told him that Magnus hadn't meant it as a declaration. He didn't want anything back. He was just stating a fact, as simple as anything. 

_He wants me to know,_ Alec realized. Magnus was giving him another out. Another chance to leave. He was laying all of his cards out on the table. 

And Alec was woefully unprepared to see them. 

“What?”

Magnus smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. “Let me heal you.” 

Alec shook his head, feeling a little frantic. Had Magnus tipped the whole world on its head? Surely that was the only explanation for why he felt so off balance. 

“No” he stuttered, weakly. “No, I'll do it. You- you don't have the energy. You used it all, when you were- during the nightmare.” 

Magnus shook his head, the gesture a little condescending, but there was something deep and sad behind his eyes. Alec realized he'd still been holding onto his chin until then, and let it go reluctantly. “It's fine, Alexander. I have enough left for that.”

Alec shook his head again, harder. “Then why is your glamour not up?” The question came out as a whisper, for which Alec was grateful. He didn't want to sound angry or harsh. Not now. 

Magnus's eyebrows went up. He seemed thoroughly confused for a moment, tilting his head slightly even as he found a way to somehow lean even further away from Alec. 

“Oh” he said quietly, after a moment. “I didn't even notice.” 

He slumped, looking down again into his lap. Alec felt cold as he realized that Magnus really _didn't_ have enough energy to put the glamour back up, otherwise he would have as soon as he'd realized. 

“It's okay” Alec blurted. “I- I like them. I like- you?”

_Dammit,_ he berated himself. What was wrong with him? Why did that come out like a question? 

But if Magnus noticed, he didn't react. “I hurt you.” 

Alec squeezed the hand of Magnus's he still held on to. “Yes, you did. But it wasn't your fault.” 

“Are you scared of me?”

Magnus looked young, much younger than even his human age, and Alec resisted the urge to grab him into a hug. He wasn't sure if he could, yet. Not without scaring _Magnus._

“Never” he responded, without even thinking. Magnus was the most gentle, kind person he'd ever met. He wouldn't hurt a fly unless he was protecting the people he loved. 

Magnus jerked his head up, surprise written all over his face. “You don't have to lie to me.” 

“I'm not, Magnus. I could never be scared of you. You're too- you're too good. For this world. Too good for me.” 

Alec sat quietly while Magnus seemed to wrestle with something inside him. His emotions flitted across his face in rapid succession: shock, wonder, guilt, fear, determination, and finally, resignation. He looked back at Alec, voice wavering only a little as he spoke. 

“Can you hold me?” 

Alec's heart stuttered. “Of course. Oh Angels, yes, yes of course.”

And he did, reaching forward to finally, blissfully, pull his boyfriend into a tight hug. Magnus crumpled, dead weight in his arms, and Alec felt rather than heard him finally let out his breath. 

Then Magnus was crying. For real this time, hard sobs choking out of him as he released the floodgates of emotion that must have been brewing inside of him all night. Alec tugged Magnus closer, rubbing gentle circles into his back as he struggled for breath. “Shh. Shh, it's okay Mags, let it out.” 

He ignored the pain in his chest from Magnus laying on his wound, relieved to finally be on ground he understood. Comforting, holding- these were things that Alec knew. He had the script now, and no amount of physical pain could take away that reassurance. 

“Shhh shh, you're okay now, you're safe. We're both safe.” 

Alec didn't know how long he held his boyfriend like that. But after some time, Magnus's breathing started to slow, and the wetness on Alec's shoulder began to dry. Finally, Magnus took one last, stuttering breath, choking down whatever last sobs wanted to burst out. 

“I'm so sorry Alec.”

“Shh” Alec said, gently. “You have nothing to be sorry for Mags. Nothing.”

“I never meant- I hoped- I'm sorry you had to see that. See me, like that. Like this.” 

Alec pulled back just slightly to try to look Magnus in the eye, but felt the grip around his waist tighten. He leaned forward again. “Would it be weird if I said that I'm happy I did? See you like this, I mean.” 

Magnus made a snorting noise. “Why would you be?”

Alec considered. “Because I got to see a different side of you. I got to take care of you. You spend so much time caring for me- caring for everyone- that it's nice. To be able to return the favour.”

“If I were you I would have run for the hills.” 

Alec smiled into his hair. “No, you wouldn't have.” 

The silence sat around them, heavy but not uncomfortable, as they both breathed together. 

But then Magnus shifted a little on Alec's chest and Alec cringed. Magnus sat up. “Do you have your stele?” 

Alec felt cold, now, without Magnus's weight. “Yeah, uh- one sec.”

He turned, stretching out and thanking the Angel for his long arms as he rooted in the drawer to find it. “Here.” 

Looking Magnus in the eye, he sat back up and carefully pulled off his t-shirt, fighting the wave of self-consciousness he got every time he was shirtless in front of his boyfriend. 

Slowly, still looking at Magnus, he moved the stele across his skin and traced an iratze over the burn on his chest. Then they both watched, breaths held, as the skin slowly churned and shifted, mending itself almost instantly. 

Magnus leaned forward to look. There was something halting about his movements, as if he was trying not to startle Alec. Alec fought back anger- not for the first time- at how this man could possibly feel like Alec would be afraid of him. 

He felt Magnus's soft exhalation on his chest. “You're going to have a scar.” 

Alec glanced down at the little pink smudge below his sternum, no larger than a walnut. All things considered, it was a pretty good result. “That's okay.” He took Magnus's hand again. “Angel knows you already have enough scars for the both of us.” 

Magnus's expression softened. “You're too good to me, Alexander.” 

Alec held the eye contact, trying not to be disappointed when Magnus's eyes slowly faded back to brown. 

His glamour was back. 

“Are you feeling a little better, then?” He gestured toward Magnus's eyes. 

Something shy flashed in Magnus's expression as he smiled, but it was quickly replaced by a teasing glint as Magnus winked. “Much better.”

“In fact…” Magnus moved forward gracefully, sliding himself up until he had his legs on either side of Alec. “Why don't I show you how much better I'm feeling?” 

Alec's head spun as he tried to catch up with the sudden shift in the direction of the conversation, even as he felt his lower half start to twitch in anticipation. “Magnus you-”

He was cut off as Magnus surged forward, pressing their lips together in a kiss that almost burned. Alec made a startled noise as Magnus pushed his tongue quickly into his mouth, licking and nipping with the expert precision of someone who'd made out with 17, 000 other people before him. 

Which was- well, it was nice, in a way. But it was _wrong._

Because this wasn't how Magnus normally was with Alec. Normally, Magnus was shy, reserved. Slow. Alec had been surprised at first to see the immortal acting hesitantly about all things physical, but he'd quickly grown used to it as he realized that for whatever reason, Magnus was just as nervous as he was.

But Magnus didn't seem nervous now. He moved a hand up to Alec's chest, flicking lightly across his abs as if Alec had taken his shirt off just for that purpose. 

He broke off from Alec's lips and surged down to his neck, tipping both of them in the process so that Alec was on his back, with Magnus straddled on top. “Let me make you feel good” Magnus murmured into his neck, between wet kisses. “Let me make this up to you.” 

Alec wasn't above admitting his flaws. He was grumpy, terse, and emotionally unavailable. He wasn't good with small talk or hand-to-hand combat. And he was… well. He was easily distracted. 

Which is why it took him a beat longer than it should have for him to put his hand against Magnus's chest. “Magnus- ah- stop.”

And Magnus got the memo. But not only did he stop, he totally recoiled, flying off of Alec faster than Alec thought possible without a speed rune. “What's wrong? Did I hurt you again? Did-”

“ _Magnus._ No, I'm fine.”

Magnus took a moment to look Alec over. Then he put his head in his hands, but not before Alec caught the flash of hurt in his eyes. “I'm sorry.” 

Alec shook his head. This was far from the first time that Magnus had apologized tonight, and he wasn't sure how many more times he could hear it. “Don't be. I just- it's not that I don't want you, I _do,_ but I... I don't think this is the time.”

“Of course, yes. We can- well, what do you want to do? I can make drinks. Or we could get take-out? Watch a movie? Why don't we-”

Alec put his hands on either side of Magnus's face, cutting off his rambling. “We don't have to do any of that. In fact, I'd rather not. I just want...”

Magnus stared at him, eyes wide and receptive, waiting. “Just want what? Anything, Alec.”

Alec felt a heavy weight drop into his stomach as he realized that Magnus _meant_ it.

He could probably ask for the world right now, and Magnus would give it to him. Surely that had to be someone's fault? Surely someone had taught him that he needed to give up anything- even everything- to make up for the things that people told him he lacked? 

_Demon,_ he'd said in his dream. _I'll do better. I'm sorry._

Alec had a sneaking suspicion that a certain evil vampire had something to do with it, but there was nothing he could do about that right now. 

Magnus normally didn’t do anything he didn’t want to do. But in this vulnerable space… 

“Mags, no. You don't- you don't have to give me anything. You know that, right? You don't owe me for this. Not sex, not drinks, not anything.”

Magnus just stared at him. He opened his mouth as if to deny that he felt that way, and then sighed, conceding. “I just want to make this up to you, Alec.” 

But Alec knew that wasn't the whole truth, exactly. It wasn't just “I want to make this up to you” it was also _I want to find a way to make you stay._

Alec nodded. “I know. And I get that. I would want to, too. But you have to understand- this is my way of making up for everything you've already done. For me. So it's _my_ debt repaid. But- even if it wasn't, even if you'd never done anything for me before, I would still be here for you. And I wouldn't expect anything back. Because that's how relationships work, right?” 

Alec smiled fondly. “You taught me that. We do things for each other because we want to, not because we have to.” 

Magnus returned his smile cautiously. “When did you become so wise?” 

Alec wrapped his arm around his boyfriends shoulder. “When I started dating a fabulous, immortal warlock, who saved my life and then taught me everything I know.” 

Magnus quirked an eyebrow at him. “Surely not everything.”

Alec laughed. “Well, not everything. Izzy got to me first. But certainly a lot.” 

Magnus squeezed his hand. “What was it you were going to ask for?”

Alec blushed, feeling suddenly a little out of his league again. Although he figured that must be a good sign, in all honesty. “I just wanted to- I thought you might want to cuddle, that's all. But only if you want to.”

Magnus's smile widened and Alec thought that his boyfriend gave the sun itself a run for its money. “I would like that.” 

So they cuddled. Alec pulled them both back so that Magnus's head was on his chest and their legs were impossibly tangled together. He carded his hands gently through Magnus's hair, unbothered by the dried sweat. 

Magnus was okay now. They were okay now. And that was all that Alec needed. 

After a time, though, he realized that perhaps that was a little bit of wishful thinking when he heard Magnus's stomach growl. _Of course he's hungry,_ he chastised himself. And probably thirsty, too. He'd exhausted all of his magic, for Angel's sake. 

Alec sat up, mentally berating himself for being so careless, when he felt a hand grab his arm. “Don't go.” 

Alec looked down at Magnus, bed-rumpled and vulnerable, and immediately swooped back in to press a deep kiss on his forehead. “I'm not going anywhere, Mags, I promise. I just wanted to get you some food and water.” 

Magnus blushed, taking Alec off guard. He didn't think he'd ever seen that before. 

Just another beautiful first he got to witness today. 

“You're coming back?”

Alec forced himself to smile, even though he felt like crying. “Of course, yes sweetheart. I'll be right back. I'm not going anywhere, I promise. Not for a long time. Not-” he added, feeling suddenly brave, “not for as long as you'll have me.” 

Magnus smiled a sweet, sleepy smile and sighed, snuggling into the covers. “Mmkay. Pancakes?”

Alec laughed, heart soaring a million miles above them as he looked down at his boyfriend and everything they were building together. 

“Sure, sounds like good post-nightmare food to me. I'll be right back, okay?” 

And he did come back- 10 minutes later, after making the fastest pancakes and tea of his young life- to find Magnus asleep, breathing calm and even in the darkness. 

And if Alec decided to snuggle in beside him instead of waking him up, who could blame him? After all, the pancakes could wait. Just a little longer. 

Alec smiled. They had all the time in the world.


End file.
